Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
