Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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