Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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