So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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