Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
