The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize