I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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