dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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