Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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