my vag is so smooth its legendary
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
