I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
