People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
