after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My feet surprised me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize