i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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