That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we're so committed to being not committed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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