It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize