So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
