you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
