blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ok first of all what the fuck
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
