I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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