I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
