She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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