She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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