I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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