We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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