she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
