Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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