I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
