I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
