Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
