You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
