I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I didn't notice because vodka
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
