Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
