okay pat passed out under dana's car
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
