I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
