Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
