Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
