ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
