I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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