Pappa wants mamma naked
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
