nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
