i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
