neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
