you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
