ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
