marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's Friday. Sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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