I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
