You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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