When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
