I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
