people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
