My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
