Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
