we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
