Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
