I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
