i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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