Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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