Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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