dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
