I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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