I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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