Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
