your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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