My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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