omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
