I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He better not be in your backpack
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
