On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
