i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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